Sunday, 25 April 2010

  • Mommy Meltdown

    Last Thursday was Rosey's last day of assessment.  The psychologist said she'll be confirming the diagnosis.  Yay?  She'll also be including in her report that Rosey needs more stimulation at school.  She's in Grade 2 and was making well-thought out attempts at doing Grade 6 math.  If only the curriculum still wanted kids to just be able to "do" the math she'd be getting straight A's.  But no, now kids are supposed to "think outside the box" and be able to think in more abstract terms than when we were kids.  Great, unless the kid has Asperger's.  *sigh*

    In the last few months we've been seeing more Aspie-like behavior from Rosey.  Today we went to a park downtown.  A few other children were there, including two of our vet's children plus a friend of theirs.  The older two played on their own, but the youngest stayed on the equipment with Rose.  She's younger than Rose, but is a tomboy with two tomboy big sisters plus the advantage of living near the park.  She was able to do all sorts of tricks and such on the bars that Rose couldn't do.  Rosey got mad that she was "showing off."  She wasn't, but that's not how Rose saw it.  The older two children saw the situation, talked to the little one, then came to me and said she would try to keep out of Rosey's way.  They were so mature and so polite!  The sister of the little one is only a year older than Rose and they share the same first name.  It made me really start seeing the widening gap in our girl's behavior.  Eventually, things got tense between the two girls again.  The little one went to tell her sister and I suggested to Rosey that she come play frisbee with me and her dad.  The boy who spoke to me earlier said the little one was getting a little cranky about the situation.  He wasn't blaming anyone, just explaining her feelings.  I knew the problem lay with how my Rose was interpreting everything, which was very negatively and very self-centeredly.  As we walked away I heard the kids start to whisper about her behind our backs.  I'm sure it wasn't bad, but it reminded me of when I was a kid and other children would whisper about me behind my back.  I cried for my little girl.  I had wanted life to go more smoothly for her than it did for me.  I'm glad she didn't see me cry.  Between knowing she has Asperger's now and seeing more and more Aspergian traits in her, I have to grieve for the child I thought I was going to have and for the future I thought this one would have.

    A friend of ours recently learned her son has autism.  She and her husband received several thousands back from the federal government because he now has a "disability."  In looking into whether Rosey would qualify, I'm learning from other parents that she would.  I'm having a hard time with this.  In my eyes she's not "disabled."  Sure, she has quirks and has trouble with other kids, but is that a disability?  Moreso, is that a disability that the government should be subsidizing me over?  Even my husband has said, "Yes."  He pointed out that the costs of the assessment have already hurt us financially.  He also pointed out the above situation from today and remarked it's getting worse.  If we're going to get help, we'll need money.  I get that.  I can accept that my kid is "different."  I can even accept that she's on the autism spectrum.  I just can't wrap my head around that she's "disabled."  Her arms work.  Her legs work.  Her mouth definitely works!    And she's smart as a whip. But it is something in her brain that doesn't work the way most people's do and I guess that makes her disabled.  Mommy's really going to need some time to let this one soak in.

Tuesday, 13 April 2010

  • Why Asperger's?

    I keep being asked "What made you think your daughter might have Asperger's?"  This is not an easy question to answer.  There are many things about Rosey (btw, that's her middle name, which I use quite often) that just culminated in my husband and I saying "Something ain't right with that kid."

    As an infant she screamed for four months.  It stopped when we finally got her diagnosed with acid reflux.  Actually, I diagnosed it and then had to be sneaky in getting our old-fashioned doctor to consider it.  He was convinced it was colic.  I was convinced there was something seriously wrong.  I won.

    Then there's the food issue.  Got a picky eater?  I bet your kid's got nothing on mine.  She eats Maple & Brown Sugar oatmeal, Cheerios, Vanilla Rice Krispies, vanilla yogurt, hot dogs, peanut butter sandwiches, Kraft Dinner, cheese pizza and McNuggets.  For a bright kid, she either doesn't or chosen not to realize hot dogs and McNuggets are meat products.  She abhors the idea of eating meat.  I'd be okay with her being a vegetarian, except she refuses to eat vegetables, too.  Fruit is very iffy.  We're amazed she's healthy and right on track considering her limited diet.  And by the way, she's the kid who will starve herself to the point of vomiting rather than finally eating something in front of her she doesn't like.

    Next is her very literal interpretation of everything.  Figures of speech have to explained to her, sometimes repeatedly.  She accepts the meaning, but I can see it in her face that she finds it odd not to say exactly what you mean.  I tried explaining some theological issues to her one night (theology is a favorite subject).  When I said that God will always pick you up if you make a mistake and help you get back on the narrow path, she thought He'd physically pick her up and demonstrated by jumping up and plopping down on her bed.  Next she looked around and argued that there was no path in her room, so how could He do that?

    One thing I do love is her inability to lie.  Even other mom's have figured out that they might think their child doesn't lie, but mine really doesn't.  She's not allowed to jump on her bed.  One day we heard the tell-tale sounds coming from her room.  Her dad called up, "Are you jumping on your bed?"  Pause.  Silence.  "No."  "Were you jumping on your bed?"  "Yes!"  We've learned how to ask the question to get the right answer.  Obviously when she stopped she was no longer jumping so her 'no' was the honest truth.

    There are other things.  Her inability to understand social cues when other kids are getting frustrated with her.  Her inability to understand the concept of friendly teasing.  Her belief that anything any other person does that she doesn't like was done on purpose to be mean to her.  Her refusal to accept compliments or constructive criticism.  Her refusal to speak to anyone she doesn't know, even if she really does.  I'm not sure at what point she determines she "knows" a person.  The latest thing her teacher and I have discovered is her inability to think outside the box with her lessons.  Once she learns something, like addition or subtraction, that's the only way it can be done.  There're no other possibilities, so don't even talk to her about it.  She's also begun saying her work is too easy and boring.  I'm not sure our school is ready to help an Apsie who's also gifted (just a thought) reach her potential.  That concerns me because bored kids can become "trouble" kids.  Just ask my brother.

    We have at least one more session with the psychologist for the psych/ed assessment.  Rosey hated the first session.  Too many questions, she said.  She was also highly insulted that I actually paid someone to ask her so many questions.  She is happy, though, that the doctor asked her to bring her Uno cards next time so they can play a round or two.  She says this makes her happy because it means she won't have to speak to her during that time.  Yep, sounds like an Aspie to me.

Saturday, 03 April 2010

  • It's a Start

    Today I received an e-mail from Autism Today that mentioned Xanga had started an entire blog world devoted to autism and other Autism Spectrum Disorders.  I had been thinking about how to get through this journey we are taking with our daughter as she is being diagnosed and well, the rest of her life.  I tend to "write" in my head, but sometimes I really want to share what I'm thinking with others.  This seems to be a good fit.

roseyrose

  • Visit roseyrose's Autisable Site
    • Name: Cheryl
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 4/3/2010

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